Hell Don't Leave Me Hanging
by BlueSkyMornings
Summary: After Jasper left Alice for her safety, Alice broke the bond tying reality and imagination together and was taken back to an asylum-only this time, she doesn't want a way out, and no one can find her. T for depressive and darkness-and the asylum. for now.


**2 350** words. It's mostly about Alice. I dared to take her farther. She's a vampire, and this is her going back to the insane asylum for the second time.

Summary: After Jasper left Alice for her safety, Alice broke the bond tying reality and imagination together and was taken back to an asylum-only this time, she doesn't want a way out, and no one can find her.

* * *

Jasper started to think aloud.

"Dearest Alice, I am sorry but...." he shook his head, his blonde hair shaking back and forth. "No, that's not right." he sighed. "Dear... dears to formal... Alice, comma. I regret to inform you but...no. I have had a change of heart... no, that's too cruel." After several more minutes of contemplating the right words to tell his wife of 100+ years, he decided on the cold hard truth.

"Alice, I am sorry to tell you, but there is no other way. The Volterri have been after us ever since we split from the rest of our family. I know it pained you to be separated from them, but now you can go back and live in peace. There was no other way I could ensure your safety but to go straight to the problem and face it all head on. Do not worry for me, I don't want to cause any other stress in your life. I have informed the Cullens that you will arrive safely back to them. DO NOT STAY HERE AND WAIT FOR ME. GO TO THE CULLENS! You hear me? I only want you safe. I will be fine, as I am somewhat of an asset to them, and they will not harm me if I give them what they want...."

_I will not tell you what they want, because I know you will try to save me, no matter how much I tell you to go the Cullens and be safe. Just know it, trust it, that I will come back to you. I did this to save you, and save you I will. I will come back to you and save you one day, just as I am saving you now. I will return. And we will be happy again. Remember that. I **will** return to you._

_Always your husband,_

_Jasper.  
_

Tears flowed from Alice's eyes as she read his letter. Well, her eyes clammed up, but tears would be flowing, a lot more then relentlessly. She had come back from hunting to find an empty house, cold and decrepit, seemingly dark though it was lit up and cozy in appearance, and an even emptier bed. Her world tumbled around her, bouncing back and forth at a neck-breaking pace. Depression, end of the world, depression, hopelessness, pity, sorrow... and happiness. Why was she happy? It scared her that she was happy. Why was she happy? Maybe she was going insane. And then she thought, this has to be some joke right? He wouldn't do this... but he wouldn't joke like this either. More laughter, more insanity, she was doubling over, her body almost crippled against the wood floor of the small cottage they had rented. He wouldn't do this. This was crazy. Something in her couldn't process the fact that he was gone, for who knows how long with a chance of not coming back, and that he had left her. He had actually left her. For her safety. Fits of giggles sounded in echos against the walls. She could not stop the insanity that took over her. Her body continued to tremble, painful tremors of her still growing laughter coursing through her body. It was madness. Surely she had gone insane. For real this time.

And then time stopped. Everything froze. And she realized, time itself was gone. Time was gone. What did this mean? The infinite amount of time that a vampire had, never to be counted again? It was then she knew, she would never count the time again. She would stop counting the days, the hours, the years even that he was gone. He was gone. She would accept that, when he came back. If he came back. He had to come back. To save her. He promised.

She remembered his promise, and she sobered, just enough. Her thinking got clearer, insanity losing the previously winning battle over her mind and senses. But that meant she would start counting time again, she knew. That the one shred of hope her sanity clung to would make her count, and she couldn't have that. She would rather lose her sanity then count. Losing her sanity she could handle, counting the time, she could not. So she fought off her rising sanity. She knew that little action in itself would deem her unstable in the head, the choosing not to be sane, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not until she knew he was safe, and back with her.

Cullens. The Cullens. Her family. Not anymore. Not without Jasper. She wouldn't go back to them without Jasper. Sure, she knew them as family, but without Jasper where was the fun? The hope? The love? She'd be helplessly watching the other couples, and watching would make her miserable. Everything was a miserable, pointless, idiotic task without Jasper there to watch her, help her, guide her, or more importantly, give her hope of success in everything she did. She wished she could die. Just curl into a ball and fade away, and be as forgotten as the wind that blows hats from heads and sends them flying on a windy day. As forgotten as the fables of lost lands and treasures, or books set upon a bookcase left to gather dust in layers so thick it would take days to dust it.

And who would miss her? The Cullens would, if they knew. She hoped they wouldn't find out. But then, who would be there to care if they did find out? Her? No. By the time they possibly found her she'd already be an empty shell, so hallow echos could be heard inside her, on the off chance someone would chose to shout. She remembered when Edward had left his wife, Bella. She wasn't his wife then, but then she was, minus the legal matters. Bella was always Edwards, mind, heart, soul and body, even without the legal rights. Nothing would break them apart, and nothing did. Bella went into near catatonia when he left her all those years ago. She was nothing without Edward. But even with how bad it was for her, Alice knew she was worse off. Alice had been through what Bella went through way before Bella's time, and she would go through it again. The going crazy at least. Every fiber of her withering being agreed with Bella. What was life without the one you're supposed to be with, the single person in your life that makes you feel as if you're floating higher then the sky, dissolving cloud nine and reaching for higher. That light bulb that does more to light up your world then the actual chemical components that make light.

The thin grasp of sanity linking her minds awareness to the world faded again, and she bade it goodbye, pleased. Cold numbness took it's place, making her feel dumb and uncontrollable. She could feel her restraint weakening it's hold on her actions, quickly succumbing to the second round of giggling madness about to erupt within her at any moment. Time had no meaning, the world grew unstable, she began to feel a pull of separation tugging at her. Without hesitation she took a plunge into the boundary-less emotions of this new world, not critical to her relapsed condition. Everything around her was now drawling a blank, and control was lost. Forfeited to the world of comfort she chose to enter.

Her small frame shook with the force of the heaving her body caused when she laughed. She vaguely noted the evil in the laugh, the slight tone in her sounds hinting at more then mere madness residing within her, but she could not fully care. It wasn't like she could stop. Hopefully someone would hear her soon, check on her, call the institutions they had now days, and she would be taken away to a life of peace and luxury. Anything that could take her mind away from the state of being was peace to her. The luxury of no more needing to be one with the world, what really was around her and what really wasn't not even having to dispute themselves in her mind seemed like heaven.

This time, as she chose not to fight off the insanity, it overtook her. She did not stop like she had last time, she had no need. She had made up her mind to be crazy, no need to try fighting. Not that she had the will power to fight it. She didn't even have energy to laugh, yet something within her continuously chose to convulse, causing those endless bouts of tiring laughter. She had a simple mind, a fragile one made so by the first time she was in the asylum. She was innocent of witchcraft, she was innocent of sin, she wasn't crazy then, she was gifted. Her weeping family was anguished when she was taken away, carted off to the asylum like some mule. And a mule she was treated until she was saved. But why was she saved if this would be the result. Surely this wasn't how it was going to end?

No it wouldn't end like this. She'd end up where she belonged now, the place she wanted to give up her freedom to. Her laughter continued. Hours had to have passed, maybe days. Could it be possible to waste them laughing? Anything to spend the days doing something mindless was appealing. Finally the fire that set off the laughed died down and the aching pit of convulsing muscles in her stomach ceased. Pain was just a ghost to her now, fading too quickly for her to be able to grasp onto.

Pounding sounded at the door, and it crashed open. Someone came in. Her neighbor maybe? She couldn't tell. She didn't want to tell. She honestly didn't care if it was her neighbor, or Jasper himself. She couldn't find it in herself to care. She was spent-so tired of the torture she had been going through ever since he decided he had to be the protective one. Hands touched her. Warm hands. Human hands. Another flame extinguished, jolting her with numbness making her realize she had found hope he had come through that door that was now laden with the burden of letting innocent, clueless humans in. Distant ringing echoed somewhere, but Alice still couldn't find the need to pay attention.

Somewhere in her brain her nerves were still working. Enough so that even as far gone as she was making herself, she had the distant awareness of being pulled along to somewhere. She couldn't exactly recall getting into a car, let alone leaving the apartment, but she would always recall her first sight, no matter who lucid she was, or how cloudy her now dull gray eyes were, of the mental institution. She would always remember the kindness of the otherwise offending piece of decoration that a gate represented. She didn't care that this gate would hole her up in this prison of psychologically wrong people, damned to worse fates then her own. She didn't care that her future was wrongly proclaimed.

The bright reflection that hit her dead eyes would burn itself into remembrance. It was day but she did not glow. She did not glow when the light hit her directly, she did not glow when it reflected upon her. Her bare hands lit up only a little, but not enough to tell. A thought struck her. How would she eat? How would she survive? How far could she possibly push herself until that tether of life holding her up gave way completely. She would not go in human to this asylum, not this time. But she was in chaos all the same. Even with her lucidity waning, she tried to compensate herself. She tried to ease her plans. If she chose to feed on humans, what conscience would she have to pity them? To mourn her soul? To realize her mistake? None. No one could stop her, no one to make her feel miserable for killing humans. Not that she could. She couldn't feel anything now, waiting uselessly, pathetically. She would remain dormant until he came and find her. If killing humans meant staying alive, whats a few measly humans? She would stay alive and see him again, even if she had to wait for centuries. The world would keep changing, and she wondered what the world would be like when she chose to grace it with her consciousness. Would they finally know of her species? And if she was here, she would never change. How would she explain her never changing body? She almost laughed at herself. The only thing that stopped her was surely if she lost control around humans, her senses would give way to their blood. She'd have to be crazy when no one else was around. Couldn't kill too many innocent people. She wouldn't. She didn't want Jasper too disappointed when he found her.

And she knew he'd find her. One day. She wondered if even as far away as he was if he could feel her pain, or at least the nothingness she was trying to hide behind, like a scared mundane child. She knew he was still thinking about her though. She knew that he would come back to her, save her... save her. Maybe he was the psychic one. Maybe this is what he'd talked about, saving her when he came back. She knew he meant well and still loved her. That he would come back and accept her with open arms. She knew he would.

She just didn't know if, by the time he found her, she could be freed of this hell, or if she'd herself be too far gone in the madness she chose to inflict upon herself to know anything at all.


End file.
